It was like I have gone to a battle. Fighting for self-control, saying goodbye and holding on. I couldn’t let go. I wanted to hold on. I didn’t want the night to end. The desire to stay close, so close was on top of my head. Screaming. I did not want him to go because it means, three weeks or more without seeing him. So the night he bid farewell, I was holding on to him and clung like a glue. He was holding onto me dearly and I felt at that moment that he too, needed something to hold on while away. However, when two people are so close, it means intimacy; and the desire to each other grow and become intense .
But as a Christian who prioritize Godly dating, I care about how Christ viewed me. I care about my purity and he cares about it too. Purity means to abstain from worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12).
Yet, I almost lost myself. ALMOST. When I clung to him and he to me, everything was a blur. It seemed like there was a black veil covered the eyes of my heart and made me blinded with desire.
I asked him to go but my body betrayed me and pulled him closer. I was glad when he has the power to say the line, “Don’t pull me closer”. He did say sorry for pushing my button. He prayed and I was glad that he had the strength to lead me to stay pure and right. Even though, I saw passion in his eyes, he fought for righteousness and how I admired him for that.
I was thankful and grateful that our desire to stay pure in our dating relationship is still there and secure. I learned so many things about myself after that:
1. You can’t really say you have self-control until you meet desire.
2. To stay pure, don’t play with fire.Not even a hint.
3. Talking about what happen helps. Confession helps.
4. Getting more close and study God’s words really help a lot.
5. Romans 12:2 , “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Having said that, I prayed that we will continue to stay pure and right in the eyes of God.